Cutting corpses

The decision to post this translation was a bit more complicated.

On November 20, 2012 a medical student with a blogger name Kainaloinen kana posted an entry on her blog Elimiä ja eläimiä. It described her experiences, in a somewhat lighter manner, with the autopsies that are part of her medical studies. She has not directly revealed her identity in the blog, but there is her picture. The feedback was mostly very positive, but she also received to a comment to remove the post from six senior staff members incl. the vice dean; I include that comment in the end. This caused some uproar in social media against such censorship simply to uphold professional status and respect and made the post all the more public (Streisand effect). The dean of the faculty approved this censorship. I do understand that making light of such morbid matters can be also offensive. However, the incident prompted numerous people to volunteer their remains for education and science. In the end the blogger ended up removing the post. But it remains available – Janne Paalijärvi reposted the blog entry on his website with many of the early comments.

For me, it is definitely among some of the more important writings I have read in Finnish in that last few years, and, in part, because of the absurd reaction, I feel, it got from her senior colleagues.

There has been other articles on autopsies in Finland, none of them have sparked any real controversies: Helsingin Sanomat, 2013: Leikkauksia harjoitellaan vainajilla Tampereella;Kaleva, 2008: Tällä pöydällä ihminen on paljaimmillaan; Jylkkari, 2006: Arkinen päivä ruumishuoneella, page 9. There are also many informative websites in Finnish on autopsies.

Edit 4/9/14: Some minor corrections were made to the text.


Autopsy slab in the pathology department of Tampere University Hospital. Picture by Reijo Hietanen.

As a medical student you often get questions like: “Do you really cut real bodies?” and “Isn’t it pretty discusting?”

Yes, we do dissect dead people and yes, it can be gross at times.
Warning: graphic detail to follow.

 

Dissections

There are two types of autopsies we do: dissections and obductions.

Dissections begin in the spring of your freshman year as a part of the highly recommended, though not obligatory, anatomy course. The cadavers for dissections are embalmed with intravenous formalin. The cadavers are the earthly remains of those who have volunteered their bodies and that fit certain criteria (e.g. having no serious infections).

In previous decades there were more autopsies performed and the bodies where those “buried in government sponsored funerals”, that is, alcoholic hobos and prisoners.

Currently, the bodies the freshmen dig their hand in have been in the morgue for close to a year. They have been disemboweled by second year students and they often switch the places of the organs when putting them back to mess with the freshmen.

Autopsy rooms have a stuffy odor that sticks with you for a long time and is impossible to wash off your hands if you happen to break your thin rubber gloves that are long past their use-by date. The corpses are cold, gray, completely flat-faced (having been placed face down), partly rock-hard, partly full of formaldehyde solution. Plenty repulsive, really. On the other hand, what made it easier for an easily-rattled person such as me, was that the cadavers look very much dead and not very human.

Dissections are pure teaching; there is ten or more people working on one body and they try to peal it layer by layer and recognize all the anatomical structures. Every cadaver has their own green garbage bins were anything loose is tossed to make sure that each part ends in the cremation of the right cadaver. You wouldn’t believe how difficult it is to tell fatty tissue from back muscles or differentiate between nerves and veins. All this is much easier with the fresh and less stiff cadavers used in obductions.

Dissections are great motivation for healthy living, as you literally see how much fat even just slightly chubby person has when you are trying to find something in or under all that fat.

Obductions

Obductions are scheduled for the end of second year and the fall of third year studies at the Helsinki University. These are official medical autopsies in which actual cause of death is to determined but they also serve a teaching purpose.

Most Finns get an autopsy, mainly legal autopsies. These are performed if the death occurred when not under medical care, the death was sudden, or a crime, medical malpractice or an occupational disease is suspected. The non-legal autopsies are performed by the pathology department.

Personally, I much preferred obductions over dissections. The bodies don’t smell quite as bad (except the bowel), the rigor mortis hasn’t settled in, and the organs are more clearly defined. In addition, dissections focus a lot on minutia: “Hold the tweezers like a pen.” “Sorry, I think I cut the nerve and now I can’t find it.” “First, incision from anterior superior iliac spine along the cranial side of inguinal ligament in the medial direction and towards tuberculum pubicum.” In the obduction room the tools of the trade include a circular saw and a huge sword-like knife. However, you plenty tired of trying to find the thyroid gland for weighing or using tiny scissors to cut a path through calcified coronary arteries.

Obductions were also somewhat cleaner. Sure, there is blood and some organs begin to resemble more of a puddle after two hours of prepping (“I had the stomach here just a minute ago – just wait, I’ll find it from this mush.”) but the protective gear is better and the body usually doesn’t spill unidentified fluids on you.

Anatomical theatre (the dissection table), Palazzo dell’Archiginnasio, Bologna, Italy

Moreover, the actual autopsies are very educational – you see healthy and sick organs and you had to think about possible causes of death. (No worries; it isn’t the students that write the final patient reports.) You actually get to see more autopsies than you do yourself in special demos, from videos of autopsies and in the 1700s Enlightment-style autopsy amphitheater.

Something that will be forever imprinted on my mind is seeing a nine-pound liver of an alcoholic; it is bright yellow and actually fills a half of the abdominal cavity extending from one side to the other. It also leaves a nasty greasy ichor on the scalpel.

I enjoyed quite a bit all the cutting we have done. It is nicely practical and makes all the lectures feel that much more concrete. Nevertheless, I am not ashamed to admit that I felt queasy for the first couple of times. But you get used to it surprisingly fast.

I used to be afraid to watch films with any violence. Now I am the one cynically commenting on a slasher scene: “It doesn’t really look like that.”


The comment by six senior staff members of the Faculty of Medicine at the University of Helsinki:

The doctor-patient privilege for a physician or a medical student is not meant solely to protect the identity of the patient from outsiders. All public discourse must show respect to all persons, living or dead.

The blog entry “Cutting corpses” on November 21, 2012 by blogger Kainaloinen kana is a tongue-in-cheek description of autopsies, but the tone of the writing is such that many people can perceive it as offensive. For this reason we ask the author to remove the entry.

Pekka Louhiala
Anne Pitkäranta
Pauli Puolakkainen
Heikki Hervonen
Hanna Jarva
Kaisu Pitkälä

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Why Putin jokes can be good for you?

My translation of an entry in Heikki Aittokoski‘s column Narrien laiva in Helsingin Sanomat from March 26, 2014: Stalinin vinkit Putinille – ja kimara parhaita Putin-vitsejä. Aittokoski gave a permission to post a translation.


Vladimir Putin smiling.

Russian President Vladimir Putin was sound asleep when suddenly the ghost of Joseph Stalin appeared in the bed chamber in Kremlin.

Putin wakes up but is not alarmed. He queries Stalin for some pointers how to best govern Russia.

“You line up all democrats along the wall and you have them shot,” the ghost of Stalin answers. “And then you paint the Kremlin walls blue.”

“Why on earth should I paint them blue?” wonders Putin aloud.

Stalin gives a hollow chuckle: “I knew you’d question only the paint job.”

 

A great many jokes about Vladimir Putin are making their rounds. And they have been for a long time. Now after the Crimea more than ever.

I assume and hope that they are also told in Russia. The one above is Russian, from the early days of Putin’s reign.

I don’t know how jokes are currently fairing in Russia. The attitudes towards the ruler in authoritarian countries are madly-serious, and laughter isn’t such a likely cause for longevity.

On this side of the Russian border laughter comes easy. My guiding light has been the late author Juhani Peltos’ aphorism: “You become the joke when you can’t laugh at serious matters.”

Laughter may not set everything right, but it soothes – at least for a while – the distressing feeling caused by Russia’s actions.

 

Humor is often dark at the foreign news desk. When Pekka Hakala, our correspondent in Moscow, was in Donetsk, Eastern Ukraine, he related the following: “I was asked on Lenin’s square if I really was from Finland. My reply was: ‘For the time being.'”

Vladimir Putin was on Facebook and saw an update about Ukraine. “They need to share this,” said he.

Most of my jokes are so clumsy that I don’t feel like repeating them here. More than anything they are my way of dealing with tragic news.

Obviously, I am not the only one with this hobby. Putin jokes are a universal past time. My latest laugh came from an entry by satirist Andy Borowitz in The New Yorker:

The Borowitz Report brings us the news that Putin, having been kicked out of the G-8, has announced the formation of a new group called the G-1. Its members are Russia. The G1 summit will take place in Sochi in June and the nations participating are Russia. “It is an auspicious start for the G-1 to have the participation of all its member nations,” Putin states according to Borowitz.

 

I found a delightful report on Wikipedia on the tradition of political satire in Russia. My mirth was lessened as I saw that the jokes from the Soviet era were largely applicable to present-day Russia.

As an example I share one classic joke that lies unpleasantly in the gray shades between a joke and a fact.

Five precepts of the Soviet intelligentsia:

  • Don’t think.
  • If you think, then don’t speak.
  • If you think and speak, then don’t write.
  • If you think, speak and write, then don’t sign.
  • If you think, speak, write and sign, then don’t be surprised.

 

It might also be a good time for Radio Yerevan to start broadcasting again, that fictional radio station from the cold war.

You are listening to Radio Yerevan. We have been asked if it is true that there is freedom of speech in Russia, just like in the USA.

Our answer is: In principle, yes. In the USA, you can stand in front of the White House and yell, “Down with Obama!” , and you will not be punished. Equally, you can also stand in the Red Square in Moscow and yell, “Down with Obama!”, and you will not be punished.

There is a new version of this Radio Yerevan joke. Editor Jarmo Mäkelä of the Finnish Public Broadcasting Company shared in his blog this question from the audience.

You are listening to Radio Yerevan. We have been asked: How many people of Russian origin live in Finland?

Our answer is: There is enough to have a referendum.

 

Oh well. You could carry on and on with these, and, unfortunately, there would be a good enough reason to do so. Generally speaking, I wish courage to all the comedians under dictatorships, who have a real risk of becoming the real butt of a trope.